Ever since I developed a like for mysteries and detective stories, I have been intrigued by the word MOTIVE, the reason for something. In law enforcement, it is one of the key elements in finding the guilty person.
Every mystery has five essential elements. CHARACTERS – I was the main character in my mystery. SETTING – Wherever I was. I moved 48 times during my life to date. PLOT – Every story has a Beginning; in my case, it was abuse, a Middle, the adult effects, The Ending, Absolution. Then the SOLUTION – For me, that is applying God to every thought and action I have. I am now in the solution stage of my life: this is where I will stay until I pass from this experience.
I have always been interested in knowing why things happen. I often wondered what my father’s motive was and why he was so abusive, but unfortunately, he went to his grave with those answers.
After 17 years of abuse, growing up without love or friends, terrified of anger, and having a fear of people in general, I went on a campaign to find someone to love me. I tried to be what I thought everyone wanted, in hopes of finding love. I was not an actor; I was a re-actor. I looked for love in all the wrong places. I would watch people and mirrored their likes and dislikes. At the time I was not consciously aware I was doing this. I was so busy trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted that I lost myself and had no idea who I was. ☹ In a sense I was abusing myself.
Then I discovered God and realized I was going about it in the wrong way. I learned that glorifying God must be the motive behind my every thought and action.
Instead of looking for someone to love me, I realized that as God’s image, I was his expression of Love. I needed to go out in the world and spread His love. Once I started to do that, I began to realize who I was. I have always been a lovable person, but it did not show because I was so busy trying to satisfy my own sick need for love instead of sharing His love. My motive had been all wrong. I had Love all along; I just did not know it.
“Love inspires, illumines, designates, and leads the way. Right motives give pinions to thought, and strength and freedom to speech and action. Love is priestess at the altar of Truth. Wait patiently for divine Love to move upon the waters of mortal mind, and form the perfect concept. Patience must “have her perfect work.” Science and Health, by Mary Baker Eddy. P454:18
I finally discovered my reason for being. As God’s image and likeness, His idea, it is my job to show forth His being, to be His likeness, that is what we are all created to be, His image and likeness, to reflect His qualities of Love, Mind, Soul, Spirit, and Principle. “Working and praying with true motives, your Father will open the way.” Science and Health, by Mary Baker Eddy. P326:20
Discovering who I am and learning to live who I am is such an incredible revelation. I never dreamed I would be living the life I have today. Learning to trust something I cannot measure with my five physical senses was hard. But I started by trusting God in small ways, and when I saw the evidence of that trust in my life, it inspired me to trust Him in more significant ways. As I discovered more about my relationship with God, knowing that I live in Him as His idea, more amazing things began to happen in my life.
Something happened to me yesterday; that was another turning point in my life. I have always been afraid of confrontation. I know this came from my fear of my father, but I still could not seem to get over it. I feared retribution if I confronted someone. God forbid they should get mad at me.
Yesterday I faced my fear and lived through it. 😊 I had some jeans shortened for a friend, and they were done wrong. In the past, I probably would have cursed and thrown them in the trash, but not this time. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (II Timothy 1:7) I gathered all my courage, which comes from God, and took them back to the person that did it. We had a pleasant time talking about what had happened and why, and she fixed them at no charge. I left with tears of joy in my eyes. I had at last won that battle.
Even if she had reacted negatively, I would have survived, as God was there supporting me and putting the right words in my mouth. My motive was love, and the women responded lovingly.
“Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose [motive] and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,” (II Timothy 1:9)
“The purpose and motive to live aright can be gained now. This point won, you have started as you should.” (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 326:16–17 (to 2nd .))
Out of Darkness, Into the Light 
I can relate to not wanting to confront anyone. I was abused physically and mentally by my mother. I never learned to advocate for myself. So as to avoid confrontations. I’m 56 years old. Just got out of hospital. Had gallbladder removed. The pain medicine made me very sick. The staff saw it happen. When the 2nd round of pain meds were to be given to me? They were going to give me the same stuff. I told them no, I didn’t want to be sick again. (Thinking they’d offer a different medication.). They didn’t. I was too afraid to ask. Time for 3rd round. Again, same meds. I said no. By this time it was quite obvious I was in excruciating pain. They still didn’t offer a different med. I still didn’t advocate for myself. I was in too much pain to move around like I was supposed to. I ended up with pneumonia. By this time, I was in excruciating pain, thoroughly ashamed of myself. What was it going to take to make me advocate for myself. I finally did. My sister couldn’t wrap her head around the battle going on inside me. She said she needed time away from me. She’s disgusted with how I handled the situation. I can explain to her. (I did.). But I can’t understand it for her. And then I came across this letter of yours. Do I show it to her? Thank you…for sharing this. I thought I was the only one who suffers with this. I am however, sorry that you had to experience the life I can relate to.
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I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I sure understand. I also understand that people who have never experienced this issue can’t relate. Yes, show your sister my blog, it might help her to understand.
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I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I sure understand. I also understand that people who have never experienced this issue can’t relate. Yes, show your sister my blog, it might help her to understand.
LikeLike